An Anecdote about the Baal Shem Tov

(from Siach Sarfei Kodesh, 1989 ed, pt.iv, p.103, #1; my translation)

I heard that the holy rabbi from Sudilkov¹, author of the Degel Machaneh Efraim and grandson of the Baal Shem Tov², after getting married became very devoted to study and he studied mainly Gemara with Rashi and Tosafot, thus straying a little from the Hasidic way.
The Baal Shem Tov used to go out on walks with him sometimes, which caused distress to the the holy rabbi from Sudilkov because it took him away from his study. Once when they were walking they ran into a visitor from another town. The Baal Shem Tov inquired about a certain person from that town and the visitor told him he was very devoted to study. The Baal Shem Tov replied: "I envy him that he can be so devoted to study, I myself don't have time for it since I spend it all in the service of the Creator Blessed Be His Name." As soon as the rabbi from Sudilkov heard these words come out of the Baal Shem Tov's mouth with such holiness and purity they entered his heart and he started behaving in the Hasidic way.

¹Rabbi Moshe Chaim Ephraim from Sudilkov (1748-1800) aka the Degel Machaneh Efraim.

²Israel ben Eliezer (1698–1760), aka the Baal Shem Tov was the founder of the Hasidic movement.

An anecdote about Rabbi Avraham of Chekhanov

(from Siach Sarfei Kodesh, 1989 ed. pt.iv, p.5, #3; my translation)

I heard from an old hasid that every time that the holy Rabbi Wolf of Strikov¹ came to the holy Rabbi from Kotzk², he had to tell him something about his holy father Rabbi Avraham of Chekhanov³. Once, he came to Kotzk and the Kotzker Rebbe asked him to tell him something about his holy father. Rabby Wolf replied that he didn't have anything to say. The Kotzker Rabbi was surprised and asked him "Do you really have nothing to say?"
At this point Rabbi Wolf recalled that when he was taking leave of his holy father before traveling to Kotzk and was in a big hurry, his father asked his mother to give him a saucer of tea to drink before his trip. His mother gave him the tea, but he didn't drink it and it just sat there . His father asked him why he wasn't drinking, and he answered that "it's overcooked (ie boiling hot)" (Yiddish: "s'ist kachidig"). Hearing this, his father shouted at him: "Didn't our Sages say (Shabbat 40): 'A secondary vessel does not cook'"?⁴ To this the holy Rabbi of Kotzk replied: "This is what I wanted to hear."

From this we can understand their greatness, that the holy Gaon of Chekhanov could not bear to hear language containing even a hint that went against the words of our Sages⁵.

¹Rabbi Ze'ev Wolf of Strikov (1807–1891)

²Rabbi Menaḥem Mendel of Kotsk (1787–1859)

³Rabbi Avraham Landau of Chekhanov (1784–1875)

⁴"R. Isaac b. Abdimi said: I once followed Rabbi into the baths, and wished to place a cruse of oil for him in the bath. Whereupon be said to me, Take [some water] in a second vessel  and put [the cruse of oil in it]. Three things are inferred from this: 1. Oil is subject to [the prohibition of] boiling; 2. a second vessel cannot boil; 3. making it lukewarm is boiling it". (BT, Shabbat 40a)

⁵In Yiddish the word for "boiling hot" (kachidig) comes from the word "to cook" (kochen).

The Kedushat Levy on Sukkot

The following is a teaching from Rabbi Levi Yitzhak of Berdichev. It is taken from the middle of a drash on Passover, but it concerns Sukkot and the day of Shmini Atzeret. His prooftext is Numbers 29:35:

לה  בַּיּוֹם, הַשְּׁמִינִי--עֲצֶרֶת, תִּהְיֶה לָכֶם:  כָּל-מְלֶאכֶת עֲבֹדָה, לֹא תַעֲשׂוּ.

35 On the eighth day you shall have a solemn assembly (atzeret): you shall do no manner of work;

It is known that all that which is drawn down and flows in from the Blessed Holy Creator happens through the seven middot that channel those influences through to us. This is why the holiday of Sukkot is eight days, because seven days correspond to these seven middot and the eighth day corresponds to becoming the receiver of what flows in from above. Therefore the eighth day of Sukkot is called "Atzeret" as is written "On the eighth day your shall have an atzeret." (Numbers 29:35). That is to say that which is drawn down and flows in from the Blessed Holy Creator during seven days of Sukkot through the seven middot, is then contained and absorbed in the eighth day through one's ability to become the recipient of these influences. This is the meaning of "you shall have an atzeret:" what flowed in from above will stop in "you", in other words you will receive it and it will be absorbed in you.

And this happens during the holiday of Sukkot, because then the entire community of Israel gains the ability to receive the fullness of inflows from the Blessed Holy Creator by having elevated themselves on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur with great devotion to God and having cleansed themselves of materiality and physicality and reached the moment of the elevation of all the worlds. Then, during the days of the Sukkot holiday, new inflows and enlightenment are drawn down for them through the seven middot and by means of their elevation to God on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur they become fit to be vessels that receive all the inflows from the seven days of Sukkot on the eighth day and are then able to hold (la'atzor) and take in the inflow into themselves.

RAV SHAGA"R ON THE "HOLY REBELLION" AND THE RENEWAL OF RELIGIOUS TRUTH

A teaching on Yom Kippur from Rabbi Shimon Gershon Rosenberg, z"l

...there are times during the Holy
Days that we do manage to shed real tears, to feel
real heart-ache. We may even really feel G-d's mercy
and love. These tears, though, are not those we have
been commanded to shed. The mercy we feel is not
that written about in the sundry holy books. Truthfully,
the one gate that opens to real tears, to G-d's mercy,
is that called rebellion. One must find the ability to
leave behind the outer shells of religion, the courage
to burn one's religious party membership card and to
look deeply and truthfully at oneself. One needs to look
intelligently, without any illusions, free from one's own
desires as well as from various societal notions and
filters. This is the first step of the non-religious, but it is
also a necessary condition for real religiosity.

R' Zadok, in one of his works, ventured that Abraham,
was the only one called "my lover" - Avraham ohevi - due
to the fact that Abraham was not born religious, but rather
searched for G-d on his own. His descendents were already
born into a good Jewish home,frum from birth. R' Zadok's
teacher's teacher, the Kotzker, explained the verse "This is
my G-d and I will emulate Him, the G-d of my fathers and
I will exalt Him" (Exodus 15:2) in the following manner.
"My G-d," the private, personal relationship is mentioned
first. This is the G-d whom you can know and to whom
you can cleave. Only this direct relationship, honest
and completely free, can bring fulfillment of your own
personal truth and integrity. Anyone can find this if he is
courageously open to doing so. Only after this can "the G-d
of my fathers" turn arrive.

In one of R' Nachman's deeper discourses, "Blow [the
Shofar of] Reproach" he describes the prayers of Rosh
Hashana from the stance of law and judgment.

The Other Side draws [strength] from the attribute of mercy. .. 
Then the mercy on our side is lessened and even the small 
quantity of mercy that is left is linked to the attribute of 
cruelty. .. " (Likutei Tanina 8) 

The mercy found in the religious world is oftentimes
cruel, closed-off with no possibility of actual humane
contact. Religious mercifulness becomes in itself cruelty,
a taunting of those most in need. The path to redemption
lies in prayer, prayer as he understands it, as judgment,
dictum:

For example, Pinchas, zealously fighting against Zimri as it is 
written, "Pinchas stood vyipalel (פלל) the root for both prayer 
and incrimination! legal argumentation]" (Ps. 106-30). The 
Sages explained: He stood in judgment with his Creator ... so 
the letters in vyipalel are an acronym for "he threw [his staff]
before Pharaoh, it was a serpent" (Exodus 6:9). One must 
throw the staff of his might, that is his prayer, to the serpent ... 
in order that the serpent will swallow this prayer, for this is 
the way to extract all the holiness that he has swallowed. .. 
through this are created proselytes ... and through this the 
glory of G-d grows and increases. 

What is this prayer-as-judgment, the prayer of Rosh
Hashanah, the prayer thrown to the Other Side to be
swallowed so as to free the converts? R' Nachman's
intent seems clear. G-d's glory is revealed, surprisingly,
by converts. This is an idea which he expresses many
times. The religious tradition itself, built as it is upon
socially accepted norms, cannot serve as a conduit for
the objective presence or glory of G-d. The dictum of
Rosh Hashanah, the prayer-as-judgment, is an inverted
judgment - it is prayer as litigation with G-d. It does not
distract from the injustice, the despair and disparity of
this world. However, miraculously, it is this prayer that
sticks in the throat of the Other Side, who thought at first
to swallow it with delight. The reason is clear: this prayer
frees Man from the religious despair itself. From here he
can move on to a higher level of faith - concrete belief
and redemption.

Standing and waiting

"Over and above personal problems, there is an objective challenge to over­come inequity, injustice, helplessness, suffering, carelessness, oppression. Over and above the din of desires there is a calling, a demanding, a waiting, an expectation. There is a question that follows me wherever I turn. What is expected of me? What is demanded of me?

What we encounter is not only flowers and stars, mountains and walls. Over and above all things is a sublime expectation, a waiting for. With every child born a new expectation enters the world.

This is the most important experience in the life of every human being: something is asked of me. Every human being has had a moment in which he sensed a mysterious waiting for him. Meaning is found in responding to the demand, meaning is found in sensing the demand."

Abraham Joshua Heschel

I would add that fear and trembling, in the kierkegaardian sense of an existential anxiety, is also found in sensing that demand, more precisely in the gap between that demand and where we usually live our lives: in ignorance of  what our role is in fulfilling the demand and in disconnection from what prompts it. Concerning this the Netivot Shalom writes that "...it is said that his own personal world "stands", on the three things that strengthen a Jew's stand so that he can fulfill his task and purpose in any situation and through this rectify that which pertains to the root of his soul." (http://atailtolions.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-netivot-shalom-on-root-of-ones-soul.html)

First words upon arising

מוֹדֶה (מוֹדָה) אֲנִי לְפָנֶֽיךָ מֶֽלֶךְ חַי וְקַיָּים. שֶׁהֶֽחֱזַֽרְתָּ בִּי נִשְׁמָתִי בְחֶמְלָה. רַבָּה אֱמֽוּנָתֶֽךָ

Modeh (modah) ani lifanekha melekh ḥai v'kayam sheheḥezarta bi nishmahti b'ḥemlah, rabah emunatekha.
I offer thanks before you, living and eternal King, for You have mercifully restored my soul within me; Your faithfulness is great.

"One needs to be careful with one's words...Thus when a person wakens from sleep, he or she is a new being, as the verse states 'renewed every morning.' If one's first words concern non-sacred matters, and all the more so, if one's words are not as they should be, then even if afterwards one prays and studies, all of one's words follow as branches of those first words." (Rabbi Israel ben Eliezer aka the Baal Shem Tov, "Pillar of Prayer" Ch.2 #16)

According to this advice from the Baal Shem Tov, the first middah to practice in the morning is zehirut, vigilance concerning one's speech. One needs to be careful with the words of the modeh/modah ani: weigh them each one by one - which one feels light and strong and lifts me out of bed (which one is heavy and doesn't connect)?
modeh - can I feel grateful this morning? if not move on, because the yetzer will quickly move in to make me feel bad that I can't feel gratitude.
ani - don't read it by itself, but together with what follows: ani lefaneikha - I am never I alone, I am always "I-before-you." Can I feel this now, take it into they day?
melekh chai v'kayam - read it as "that which lives and by living makes alive." Do I feel this making-alive in me as I wake up and start my day? What will I make alive by living today?
sh'echezarta bi nishmati - my soul has been returned to me, do I feel it? now it's a good time to feel the breath in the neshamah, how am I breathing? I pause for a few minutes to focus on how I breathe.
b'chemlah - this brings me back to 'ani lefaneikha', you have given me something not because I deserve it, but out of mercy, how can I bring this into my day today?
rabah emunatekha - full faith in me, this is the first gift as I wake up sitting here in bed without merit yet full of merit.

The Netivot Shalom on the Root of One's Soul

an excerpt from Netivot Shalom on Pirkei Avot on the mishnah "Shimon the Righteous was one of the last survivors of the Great Assembly.  He used to say: On three things the world stands: on the Torah, on the service, and on deeds of loving kindness." 

"This can also be understood by way of divine service: the world stands upon the personal world of each and every person, because each and every person is a microcosm. And as it is taught in "Yesod Ha'avodah"[1] in the name of the Holy Ari, from the day of the creation of the world each and every person has been assigned a certain task to be carried out in accordance to the root of his soul and it is for the rectification of that particular matter that he came down into this world. And it is also written that each and every day since the creation of the world comes with a special task that must be rectified on that very day, so that every person every day is like a special creation and a microcosm.
It is in this context that Shimon the Righteous comes to show how a Jew can make his world stand when confronted with crises in his life in such a way that he may fulfill his task and purpose in his world. The mishnah introduces him as having been "one of  the last survivors of the Great Assembly" in order to say that after the demise of the members of the Great Assembly he came to teach the last generation what possibilities are still open for a Jew to fulfill his task and purpose in the midst of life's turmoil: when dark forces overwhelm him and he is surrounded by troubles, how can he fulfill his task and purpose in his own personal world for which he had come into the world. Concerning this it is said that his own personal world "stands", on the three things that strengthen a Jew's stand so that he can fulfill his task and purpose in any situation and through this rectify that which pertains to the root of his soul.

---

[1] "Yesod Ha'avodah" by Rabbi Avraham Weinberg Alter of Slonim (1804 or 1809 - 1883)

The Netivot Shalom on Pirkei Avot

It was in a mussar class with Rabbi Ira Stone that I first heard about Rabbi Shalom Noach Berezovsky (or Brazovsky) of Slonim's zt"l writings on Pirkei Avot. Subsequently I bought the book, started reading it and wanted to know more about its author and his teachings.

With one exception* Rabbi Shalom Noach Berezovsky's teachings are available only in Hebrew. His main opus is called Netivot Shalom, "Pathways of Peace" and, in the tradition of calling a Rebbe by the title of his main work, its author is also known as "the Netivot Shalom". In its entirety it consists of seven volumes, five devoted to commentaries on the Torah and two containing more general writings on mussar, Torah and holidays. Like most of the other publications by the Mechon Emunah Ve'Daat associated with the Beit Avraham Slonim yeshiva in Jerusalem, these volumes are beautifully produced and a delight to hold in hand, look at and learn from.
The Va'Yikra volume, in addition to the commentaries on the weekly parasha, also contains the Netivot Shalom's schmuessen on selected sayings from the six chapters of Mishnah Pirkei Avot. In his wisdom, the publisher has also made available large photocopied excerpts from the volumes in low cost pamphlet form. "Netivot Shalom on Pirkei Avot" (נתיבות שלום על פרקי אבות) was one of the first such publications, followed by others on Chanukkah, Purim and the Holocaust.

I continued reading the Netivot Shalom on Pirkei Avot in chevruta with someone who has a great love and knowledge of Pirkei Avot: every Shabbat we would devote some time to reading and translating a little. The Hebrew text is not particularly difficult, but one must bear in mind that it is a transcription of the Rabbi's sichot kodesh, "holy talks," delivered  at the seudah shlishit during summer Shabbats**. As such, they display some of the elliptic and repetitious nature that oral teachings tend to have. Although in the beginning these might be a distraction, as one reads on they coalesce into something familiar and become the Rabbi's voice.
As we read on, I started taking notes of what we had translated and ended up with a full translation of the first chapter and parts of some others. Together with my chevruta we brought the translations to an adult class and the translation of the first sicha, on "A person who wants to be saintly should fulfill the precepts of Avot," is now available here.

* "Nesivos Sholom : Haharugoh Olecha - Essential Perspectives on the Holocaust "
**In Slonim, like in other chassidic communities, the seudah shlishit is an exalted occasion: it is what the Zohar calls the ra'ava d'ravin, the "most favorable of favorable" times for being in presence of the divine.

The Netivot Shalom on the primacy of middot

an excerpt from Netivot Shalom on Pirkei Avot, Ch.1

"...as our Rabbis of blessed memory said in the baraita of Rabbi Pinchas ben Yair, 'Saintliness leads to holy inspiration.' Thus, their words make it clear that putting into practice the teachings of [Pirkei Avot] leads one to prophecy." ...Thus someone who "fulfills the precepts of Avot" attains the highest level a person can reach, that of holy inspiration and prophecy. And the Holy Rabbi Chaiym Vital wrote  to the effect that the Torah does not mention the middot because the Torah was given after the rectification of the middot. The middot themselves are the vehicle by which the Torah is instilled since the Torah can only dwell in a person who has refined his middot...

. . . . . .

The work involved in refining one's middot is harder than the entire Torah. It requires a fundamental change in the cast and character of one's soul, this change being the purpose for which a Jew descends into the world. For example, our sages have said: "Envy, desire and (the pursuit of) honor remove a person from the world." Thus a person who pursues envy, desire or honor excessively needs to change in a fundamental way in order to be able to uproot these pursuits... Indeed, the matter of middot is at such a high level that only someone who has refined and purified his middot can be a vehicle for instilling the Torah."

from Rav Simcha Zissel on Bearing the burden with your fellow

Bearing the Burden [1]

. . . . .
What you wrote about "In a place where there are no men…"[2] is relevant to our times and related to what I said about how accustomed people are to deluding themselves with regard to the Shema. It is indeed a great thing to be willing to give up one's life for the sake of God, as it says in the "Orchot Chayim": "because this how you observe the words of the psalmist 'for your sake we are killed all day' (Psalm 44:23)"[3] .
Yet this is also where one can go astray, because who knows when the opportunity for this [giving up your life to sanctify God's name] may arise, God forbid. With regard to "you shall love…" Rashi explained that "these matters that I command you today…" are the way to observe the injunction of "and you shall love"[4] . Indeed, this is something that can be verified right after reciting the prayers: is "and you shall love" among the matters one has placed on his heart? And if it isn't, it's just because of the ways people are accustomed to delude themselves.
Now about people who are not impressed by this teaching, which encompasses many useful subjects, I said earlier that among the middot by which the Torah is acquired is also the middah of bearing the yoke along with your fellow. And we can now understand its meaning from what we saw: a horse harnessed to a heavy cart and refusing to move, and the driver hitting it repeatedly. Had the driver tried to pull the load like the horse, with all his might, he wouldn't be so cruel to the horse, and it is only because he doesn't pull along with it that he can't imagine how to be compassionate toward his horse, who always pulls with all its might. And this is why it is said that if you want to feel the pain of your fellow, stand with him and pull at the yoke along with him and then you will be able to feel his pain. And if you recall the more general article[5] I wrote to Rabbi Shmuel Strashun[6] , you will understand this issue better.
Concerning those who don't take in the lesson above, which shows people's desire to delude themselves that they are tzaddikim, and not wanting to be put to the test for fear of seeing this is not so, about such people it can be said that their souls don't belong to them. Indeed they don't care to know their own souls, as David said: "Look on my right hand, and see, for there is no man that knows me" (Psalms 142:5)[7] And what you wrote is precisely about this, about how people devote themselves to what is not theirs, and not to their own selves that belong to them. And about this it is written: "If I am not for myself, who am I?"[8] , since the most important thing is that my self be mine so that I can take care of it, and this is the whole point.

----
[1]Letter from R. Simcha Zissel Ziv to his son. In "Chochmah u'mussar", I p.14-15.

[2]Pirkei avot II:6
ובמקום שאין אנשים, השתדל להיות איש
"In a place where there are no men strive to be a man."

[3]"Orchot Chayim" by R. Asher Ben Yechiel:
הוב את ה' אלהיך בכל לבבך וגו', למסור גופך וממונך על קדושתו, ובזה תקיים בעצמך דברי המשורר "כי עליך הורגנו כל היום"..

[4]Rashi on Deuteronomy 6:6
And these words… shall be. What is this “love” [referred to in the previous verse]? It is that these words shall be upon your heart, and through this, you will come to recognize the Holy One, blessed be He, and will [consequently] cling to His ways

[5]The reference is probably to a longer article that appears in "Chochmah u'Musar"as " נחמד ונעים מאמר". A translation of this important article can be found in Ira F. Stone, "A Responsible Life".

[6]Rav Samuel ben Joseph Strashun (1794–March 21, 1872) was a Russian Talmudist.

הַבֵּיט יָמִין, וּרְאֵה-- וְאֵין-לִי מַכִּיר[7]7

[8]Pirkei avot I:14
הוא היה אומר, אם אין אני לי, מי לי

from Rav Simcha Zissel: renewed perception is the source of brakhot

. . . Similarly, the models in the Torah, such as the exodus from Egypt, the parting of the Red Sea, the manna, the giving of the Torah etc, which involve changing the ways of nature and divine revelation, should naturally arouse wonder (hitpa'alut) among those believing in them. Nevertheless, we read or study them in a cold and almost indifferent way, and they don't shock us or make an impression on us, as if they were normal or routine events.

"The person entering mussar study must strengthen his trust and be as if he had never heard anything before, as if she was born today and found a world full of wonders. And from then on he has an obligation to distinguish between good and evil and only then will his trust be complete, God willing. . ."

Our sages interpret the verse: 'which I command you today' to mean: 'they should be new to you as if you had heard them for the first time today'. And Rabbi Simcha Zissel interprets the intention here to mean that they should not only be dear to you as if they had been given to you today, but also that they should be received every day by reflecting anew on them, as if they had been heard today.

And this is, according to Rav Simcha Zissel, the intention of our sages when they prescribed the blessings, both the blessings for enjoyment and those for mitzvot: so that we won't, out of habit and distraction, ignore natural events and the observance of Torah and mitzvot and to arouse our attention and capacity for reflection.

a dream from Rabbi Nachman (Hebrew)

תקס"ט. א' דַּחֲנֻכָּה אַחַר הַדְלָקַת נֵר חֲנֻכָּה בַּלַּיְלָה אוֹרֵחַ נִכְנַס לְבַעַל הַבַּיִת. וְשָׁאַל לְבַעַל-הַבַּיִת מֵאַיִן פַּרְנָסָתְךָ? וְהֵשִׁיב לוֹ אֵין לִי פַּרְנָסָה קְבוּעָה בְּבֵיתִי רַק מִחְיָתִי מִן הָעוֹלָם. וְשָׁאַל לוֹ מָה אַתָּה לוֹמֵד? וְהֵשִׁיב לוֹ. וְהָיוּ מְשִׂיחִים יַחַד. עַד שֶׁנִּכְנְסוּ בְּתוֹךְ שִׂיחַת דְּבָרִים הַיּוֹצְאִים מִן הַלֵּב, וְהִתְחִיל הַבַּעַל הַבַּיִת לְהִשְׁתּוֹקֵק וּלְהִתְגַּעְגֵּעַ מְאד אֵיךְ מַשִּׂיגִים וּמַגִּיעִים לְאֵיזֶה דְּבַר מַעֲלָה שֶׁבִּקְדֻשָּׁה. אָמַר לוֹ הָאוֹרֵחַ אֲנִי אֶלְמַד עִמְּךָ. וְתָמַהּ הַבַּעַל הַבַּיִת וְהִתְחִיל לַחֲשׁב אוּלַי אֵינוֹ בֶּן אָדָם כְּלָל. אַךְ חָזַר וְרָאָה שֶׁהוּא מְדַבֵּר עִמּוֹ כְּדֶרֶךְ בְּנֵי אָדָם. אַךְ תֵּכֶף נִתְחַזֵּק הָאֱמוּנָה אֶצְלוֹ לְהַאֲמִין בּוֹ. וְהִתְחִיל תֵּכֶף לְקָרְאוֹ רַבִּי, וְאָמַר לוֹ קדֶם כָּל אֲנִי מְבַקֵּשׁ לִלְמד מִכֶּם אֵיךְ לְהִתְנַהֵג בִּכְבוֹדְכֶם וְאֵין צָרִיךְ לוֹמַר שֶׁאֶפְגּם מַמָּשׁ בִּכְבוֹדְכֶם חַס וְשָׁלוֹם רַק אַף-עַל-פִּי-כֵן בֶּן אָדָם קָשֶׁה לוֹ לְהִזָּהֵר לְגַמְרֵי כָּרָאוּי, עַל-כֵּן אֲנִי רוֹצֶה שֶׁתְּלַמְּדוּנִי אֵיךְ לִנְהג בִּכְבוֹדְכֶם. וְהֵשִׁיב לוֹ כָּעֵת אֵין לִי פְּנַאי, בְּעֵת אַחֵר אָבוֹא אֶצְלְךָ וַאֲלַמֶּדְךָ זאת, וְכָעֵת אֲנִי צָרִיךְ לֵילֵךְ מִכָּאן. וְאָמַר לוֹ גַּם עַל זֶה אֲנִי צָרִיךְ לִלְמד מִכֶּם כַּמָּה אֲנִי צָרִיךְ לְלַוּוֹת אֶתְכֶם, וְאָמַר לוֹ עַד אַחַר הַפֶּתַח וְהִתְחִיל לַחֲשׁב אֵיךְ אֵצֵא עִמּוֹ כִּי כָּעֵת אֲנִי עִמּוֹ בֵּין הַבְּרִיּוֹת וְאִם אֵצֵא עִמּוֹ לְבַדּוֹ מִי יוֹדֵעַ מִי הוּא וְשָׁאַל לוֹ וְאָמַר לוֹ יֵשׁ לִי פַּחַד לָצֵאת עִמָּכֶם הֵשִׁיב לוֹ אִם אֲנִי יָכוֹל כָּזאת לִלְמד עִמְּךָ. גַּם עַתָּה אִם אֶרְצֶה לַעֲשׂוֹת לְךָ אֵיזֶה דָּבָר מִי יִמְחֶה בְּיָדִי. וְיָצָא עִמּוֹ מִן הַפֶּתַח. וַאֲזַי תֵּכֶף חָטַף אוֹתוֹ וְהִתְחִיל לִפְרחַ עִמּוֹ, וְהָיָה קַר לוֹ וְלָקַח מַלְבּוּשׁ וְנָתַן לוֹ, וְאָמַר לוֹ קַח זֶה הַמַּלְבּוּשׁ וְיִיטַב לְךָ וְיִהְיֶה לְךָ אֲכִילָה וּשְׁתִיָּה וְכָל טוּב וְתֵשֵׁב בְּבֵיתְךָ וּפָרַח עִמּוֹ.

בְּתוֹךְ כָּךְ הִסְתַּכֵּל וְהִנֵּה הוּא בְּבֵיתוֹ. וְלא הָיָה מַאֲמִין בְּעַצְמוֹ שֶׁהוּא בְּבֵיתוֹ, אַךְ הִסְתַּכֵּל וְהִנֵּה הוּא מְדַבֵּר עִם בְּנֵי אָדָם וְאוֹכֵל וְשׁוֹתֶה כְּדֶרֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בְּתוֹךְ כָּךְ חָזַר וְהִסְתַּכֵּל וְהִנֵּה הוּא פּוֹרֵחַ כְּבַתְּחִלָּה, חָזַר וְהִסְתַּכֵּל וְהִנֵּה הוּא בְּבֵיתוֹ, חָזַר וְהִסְתַּכֵּל וְהִנֵּה הוּא פּוֹרֵחַ, וְכֵן הָיָה מִתְנַהֵג זְמַן רַב. אַחַר כָּךְ הוֹרִיד אוֹתוֹ בֵּין שְׁנֵי הָרִים בְּגַיְא וּמָצָא שָׁם סֵפֶר וְהָיוּ בּוֹ צֵרוּפֵי אוֹתִיּוֹת אז"ח הוּא ד' וְכוּ'' וְהָיָה מְצֻיָּר בְּהַסֵּפֶר כֵּלִים וּבְתוֹךְ הַכֵּלִים הָיוּ אוֹתִיּוֹת. גַּם הָיָה בְּתוֹךְ הַכֵּלִים אוֹתִיּוֹת שֶׁל הַכֵּלִים שֶׁיְּכוֹלִין לַעֲשׂוֹת עַל יָדָם אֵלּוּ הַכֵּלִים וְהָיָה לוֹ חֵשֶׁק מְאד לִלְמד אֶת הַסֵּפֶר. בְּתוֹךְ כָּךְ הִסְתַּכֵּל וְהִנֵּה הוּא בְּבֵיתוֹ, חָזַר וְהִסְתַּכֵּל וְהִנֵּה הוּא שָׁם, וְהִתְיַשֵּׁב עַצְמוֹ לַעֲלוֹת אֶל הָהָר אוּלַי יִמְצָא שָׁם אֵיזֶה יִשּׁוּב. וּכְשֶׁבָּא אֶל הָהָר רָאָה עוֹמֵד שָׁם אִילָן שֶׁל זָהָב עִם עֲנָפִים שֶׁל זָהָב וְעַל הָעֲנָפִים תְּלוּיִים כֵּלִים כְּמוֹ אֵלּוּ הַכֵּלִים הַמְצֻיָּרִין בַּסֵּפֶר, וּבְתוֹךְ הַכֵּלִים הָיוּ כֵּלִים שֶׁעַל יָדָם עוֹשִׂים אֵלּוּ הַכֵּלִים. וְהָיָה חָפֵץ לִקַּח מִשָּׁם הַכֵּלִים וְלא הָיָה יָכוֹל, מֵחֲמַת שֶׁהָיוּ נִסְבָּכִים שָׁם עַל הָעֲנָפִים שֶׁהָיוּ בְּעַקְמִימִיּוּת. בְּתוֹךְ כָּךְ הִסְתַּכֵּל וְהִנֵּה הוּא בְּבֵיתוֹ. וְהָיָה לוֹ פְּלִיאָה גְּדוֹלָה מַה זּאת שֶׁהוּא פַּעַם בְּכָאן וּפַעַם שָׁם. וְהָיָה חָפֵץ לְסַפֵּר זאת לִבְנֵי אָדָם אַךְ אֵיךְ מְסַפְּרִין פְּלִיאָה כָּזוֹ לִבְנֵי אָדָם מַה שֶּׁאֵין רָאוּי לְהַאֲמִין. בְּתוֹךְ כָּךְ הִסְתַּכֵּל מִן הַחַלּוֹן וְרָאָה אֶת הָאוֹרֵחַ הַנַּ"ל וְהִתְחִיל לְבַקֵּשׁ אוֹתוֹ מְאד שֶׁיָּבוֹא אֶצְלוֹ, וְאָמַר לוֹ אֵין לִי פְּנַאי כִּי אֲנִי הוֹלֵךְ אֶצְלְךָ. אָמַר לוֹ זֶה בְּעַצְמוֹ נִפְלָאת בְּעֵינַי. הֲרֵי אֲנִי כָּאן וּמַה זֶּה שֶׁאַתֶּם הוֹלְכִים אֶצְלִי? הֵשִׁיב לוֹ בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁנִּתְרַצֵּיתָ לֵילֵךְ עִמִּי לְלַוּוֹת אוֹתִי מִן הַפֶּתַח אָז לָקַחְתִּי מִמְּךָ הַנְּשָׁמָה וְנָתַתִּי לָהּ לְבוּשׁ מִן הַגַּן עֵדֶן הַתַּחְתּוֹן וְהַנֶּפֶשׁ רוּחַ נִשְׁאַר אֶצְלְךָ. וְעַל-כֵּן כְּשֶׁאַתָּה מְדַבֵּק מַחֲשַׁבְתְּךָ לְשָׁם אַתָּה שָׁם וְאַתָּה מַמְשִׁיךְ הֶאָרָה מִמֶּנּוּ אֵלֶיךָ, וּכְשֶׁאַתָּה חוֹזֵר לְכָאן אַתָּה כָּאן. וְאֵינִי יוֹדֵעַ מֵאֵיזֶה עוֹלָם הוּא, מֵעוֹלָם טוֹב הוּא בְּוַדַּאי וַעֲדַיִן לא נִגְמַר וְלא נִסְתַּיֵים:

a dream from Rabbi Nachman

First day of Chanukah, after lighting the Chanukah candle at night, a guest came in to the householder. He asked him “how do you make a living?” And he replied “My home doesn’t have a steady income only what I make from out in the world”. And he asked him “What are you studying?” And he told him. And they talked together. Until things from the heart started to enter their discussion and the householder started to yearn and to long to acquire and reach high, holy things. The guest told him “I will study with you”.
And the householder started wondering and thinking he might not be human at all. But he saw that he talked to him like human beings do. He was immediately encouraged by this and decided to trust him. And he started calling him "Rabbi" and saying to him reverently “I would first like to ask to learn how to behave toward Your Honor, so it won’t be said that I harmed Your Honor in any way, God forbid; a person cannot be too careful with his behavior and that’s why I want to learn how to behave toward Your Honor." He answered saying “I don’t have time now, I will come some other time and teach you, but now I have to go.” And he said: “This is also something I have to learn from Your Honor, how far should I accompany you?” and he told him “Just beyond the entrance.” He started thinking, "Should I step out with him? now I am among people but if I step out with him by myself who knows who he is", so he told him: “I am afraid to step outside with you”. And he replied: “If I can come in and study with you like this, should I want to do something to you now who can stop me?” So he stepped out with him.
And then he immediately grabbed him and started flying with him and he was cold and he took clothing and gave it to him saying “Here, take this and all with be well with you, you’ll have food and drink and you will sit in your house”; and flew with him.
So he looked and there he was, in his house. And he couldn’t believe it, but when he looked, there he was talking to people, eating and drinking in worldly ways; so he looked again and there he was, flying as before; he looked again and there he was, in his house; he looked again and there he was, flying; and this kept happening for a long time. Then he let him down in a pass between two mountains and there he found a book and in it combinations of letters aleph, zain, chet and dalet and so on; and in the book there were pictures of vessels and inside the vessels there were letters and also letters of the vessels by means of which those vessels could be created; and he felt like studying that book.
He looked and there he was, in his house; he looked again and there he was, about to go up the mountain, in the hope he might find some settlement there. And when he got to the mountain he saw a golden tree standing there, with golden branches and from the branches there were vessels hanging, just like those in the pictures in the book; and inside the vessels there were vessels by means of which those vessels could be created. And he wanted to take those vessels but couldn't because they were tangled in the crooks of the branches. So he looked and there he was, in his house. And he wondered greatly at this, how he was now here, now there. And he wanted to tell people about it, but how can one tell people about such an unbelievable wonder. He looked out the window and saw the same guest and started begging him to come in to his house, and he replied that "I don't have time because I am coming to you". He said to him: "I can't help but wonder about this too: since I am right here, what does it mean that you are coming to me?" He replied "When you wanted to accompany me past the entrance I took your soul [nefesh] and dressed it in clothes from the lower Gan Eden, but your spirit [neshama] I left in you. And because of this when your thoughts cling to that place, then you are in that place … and when you come back here you are here." And I don't know what world he is from, though surely he is from a good world and it hasn't ended and is not over yet.

from "Chayei Moharan"; Hebrew original

from Rabbi Kalonymus Kalmish Shapira on teshuvah and zrizut

"If you feel that your heart is breaking in your bosom and that both heart and spirit have dried up in you, don't be too confident just yet. Instead, hurry up and look deep in yourself and plow there the hardened soil of your heart, heal the wounds, straighten what's crooked and clean out the worms that are nesting in there.
But do it quickly.
Because even though you think you feel the kind of surrender that comes with teshuvah, it could be that this is just a reaction to some frustrated desire or to some honor that you have been denied, or some other deprivation that you might not even be aware of.
And you cannot be sure that in the next moment, when that desire is fulfilled, your heart won't harden again as before, and the stone won't fall back to close the heart that had been momentarily open. And your heart will be like stone again, sealed and uncircumcised all around. And you'll be left outside, yearning to heal something in there, but alas, you're locked out of your heart and cannot reach it any more."

Rabbi Kalonymus Kalmish Shapira, "Tzav v'ziruz"

Rabbi Nachman and the narrow bridge

ודע,שכל התנועות וההעתקות, שאתה נתק ונעתק בכל פעם איזה מעט מן גשמיות
לעבודתו יתברך, כלם מתקבצים ומתחברים ומתקשרים ובאים לעזרתך בעת הצרך,
דהינו כשיש, חס ושלום, איזה דחק ועת צרה, חס ושלום. ודע, שהאדם צריך לעבר
על גשר צר מאד מאד, והכלל והעקר שלא יתפחד כלל
ליקוטי מוהר"ן חלק ב', תנינא, מח


"And know that all the moves and actions through which you separate yourself little by little from materiality for the sake of serving God, all gather, join and connect with each other and come to help you in your time of need - that is, when you are hard pressed or in distress, God forbid. And know that a person has to cross over a very, very narrow bridge and the most important rule is not to keep frightening yourself."
Likutey Moharan, Part 2:48

https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B0t_AP2L14CwcWF2U29YSUVzejQ