Wednesday, September 12, 2012

First words upon arising


מוֹדֶה (מוֹדָה) אֲנִי לְפָנֶֽיךָ מֶֽלֶךְ חַי וְקַיָּים. שֶׁהֶֽחֱזַֽרְתָּ בִּי נִשְׁמָתִי בְחֶמְלָה. רַבָּה אֱמֽוּנָתֶֽךָ

Modeh (modah) ani lifanekha melekh ḥai v'kayam sheheḥezarta bi nishmahti b'ḥemlah, rabah emunatekha.
I offer thanks before you, living and eternal King, for You have mercifully restored my soul within me; Your faithfulness is great.

"One needs to be careful with one's words...Thus when a person wakens from sleep, he or she is a new being, as the verse states 'renewed every morning.' If one's first words concern non-sacred matters, and all the more so, if one's words are not as they should be, then even if afterwards one prays and studies, all of one's words follow as branches of those first words." (Rabbi Israel ben Eliezer aka the Baal Shem Tov, "Pillar of Prayer" Ch.2 #16)


According to this advice from the Baal Shem Tov, the first middah to practice in the morning is zehirut, vigilance concerning one's speech. One needs to be careful with the words of the modeh/modah ani: weigh them each one by one - which one feels light and strong and lifts me out of bed (which one is heavy and doesn't connect)?
modeh - can I feel grateful this morning? if not move on, because the yetzer will quickly move in to make me feel bad that I can't feel gratitude.
ani - don't read it by itself, but together with what follows: ani lefaneikha - I am never I alone, I am always "I-before-you." Can I feel this now, take it into they day?
melekh chai v'kayam - read it as "that which lives and by living makes alive." Do I feel this making-alive in me as I wake up and start my day? What will I make alive by living today?
sh'echezarta bi nishmati - my soul has been returned to me, do I feel it? now it's a good time to feel the breath in the neshamah, how am I breathing? I pause for a few minutes to focus on how I breathe.
b'chemlah - this brings me back to 'ani lefaneikha', you have given me something not because I deserve it, but out of mercy, how can I bring this into my day today?
rabah emunatekha - full faith in me, this is the first gift as I wake up sitting here in bed without merit yet full of merit.

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