Sunday, July 19, 2009

from Rabbi Kalonymus Kalmish Shapira on teshuvah and zrizut

"If you feel that your heart is breaking in your bosom and that both heart and spirit have dried up in you, don't be too confident just yet. Instead, hurry up and look deep in yourself and plow there the hardened soil of your heart, heal the wounds, straighten what's crooked and clean out the worms that are nesting in there.
But do it quickly.
Because even though you think you feel the kind of surrender that comes with teshuvah, it could be that this is just a reaction to some frustrated desire or to some honor that you have been denied, or some other deprivation that you might not even be aware of.
And you cannot be sure that in the next moment, when that desire is fulfilled, your heart won't harden again as before, and the stone won't fall back to close the heart that had been momentarily open. And your heart will be like stone again, sealed and uncircumcised all around. And you'll be left outside, yearning to heal something in there, but alas, you're locked out of your heart and cannot reach it any more."

Rabbi Kalonymus Kalmish Shapira, "Tzav v'ziruz"

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